The Grim Archives · Entity 017

S.A.L.T.

Survivor Agitator Lacking Tactaka SALT

Please do not leave unattended near ranked playlists.

A smug little companion for close losses, questionable mechanics and the match you are still explaining twenty minutes later.

Add S.A.L.T. to basket — £8

The real S.A.L.T. figure in its black presentation box
Archive photograph · S.A.L.T.
Temperament
Competitive / Unreasonable
Archive risk
High
Personality
Smug competitive menace

A familiar kind of company

Often adopted by those experiencing…

  • Competitive frustration
  • Blaming others after losing
  • Taking games too seriously
  • Difficulty accepting defeat
  • Scoreboard obsession
  • Ranked-game rage

Meet your little companion

A close match.
A lengthy explanation.

S.A.L.T. maintains that the outcome was unfair. It has prepared supporting evidence, a detailed account of the lag and several observations about your opponent’s choice of character.

Smug, competitive and remarkably committed to being correct, this little creature keeps company when a game starts feeling personal. The archivists are introducing the possibility that a loss can simply be a loss. A formal objection has been received.

  • Disputes outcomes with considerable confidence.
  • Requests a rematch almost immediately.
  • Celebrates victories at unnecessary length.
  • Occasionally accuses the furniture of tunnelling.

“Claimed every participant was cheating. No evidence was found.”— Archivist A.

Field-guide observations

Small signs of taking it less personally.

In S.A.L.T.’s file, the archivists record modest victories: a loss without a lengthy post-match analysis, a mistake worth laughing at, or deciding the next match can wait.

  • A loss feels less personal.
  • Rematches begin to feel optional.
  • “GG” starts sounding genuine.

An extract from the records

From the archive

Maintains an impressive commitment to being correct.

Recorded incident

S.A.L.T. submitted fourteen formal complaints regarding unfair treatment.

Investigation confirmed S.A.L.T. was responsible for thirteen of the incidents.

A little company between rematches

Take S.A.L.T. home.

£8

Add S.A.L.T. to basket — £8

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MAP
C.H.E.C.K.

One last check.

  • Have you double-checked everything?
  • Correct companion?
  • Correct release type?
  • Correct quantity?
  • Everyone accounted for?
  • Are you sure?
  • Are you sure you’re sure?

CHECK remains unconvinced.